


The Impulsive & Mundane

by Skullszeyes



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cheating, Confusion, Drugs, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Late Night Writing, M/M, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23049022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullszeyes/pseuds/Skullszeyes
Summary: Izaya is tired of their relationship, he doesn't think they have their spark, and decides to look for it in others, drugs, and later his own conflicting emotions towards Shizuo.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53





	The Impulsive & Mundane

**Author's Note:**

> I had this fic planned since Oct. I just never wrote it up until now. :)
> 
> I want to be able to write more of Durarara!! Including finishing my other fics, but I've been busy with other wips, and family and mental health issues.
> 
> So, this was quite easy to write, but it's late, and I'm tired.
> 
> I hope you enjoy anyways.
> 
> Comments and/or Kudo's are appreciated.

It was almost an unusual fleeting moment when Izaya opened his eyes and blinked at the empty space beside him. He had reached out where the sunlight touched the fading warmth of a body that used to be present so close to him. Yet as he curled his fingers into the white sheet, Izaya hardly felt anything at all, and he has been feeling this more as the days went by. 

He turned on the bed, the springs squeaking with his movements, and seemed to alert the other in the next room. Izaya stared at the white ceiling above him that sometimes thumped from the people above. Then blonde hair appeared in his vision, including brown eyes that used to enrage him, and had once also had filled with rage at the sight of him on the street.

A cat-and-mouse game. 

Shizuo with his annoyance clenched down between his teeth. His fingers sliding the sunglasses from his face and folding them into his vest. It was always a knowing way that told Izaya what he was about to do. And Izaya welcomed the violence that would pull forth from concrete, and shattered glass off building’s. The screams were the usual, followed by his own cheeky laughter, and the grunts and growls of a monster chasing after him down the narrow streets.

Now those days seem so far away, like a dream, or even an idea that Izaya tried to chase as he blinked sleep from his eyes while lips pressed against his own. He hardly welcomed the contact, and only stared up at the man above him.

“I’ll see you later,” Shizuo said, pulling his vest on, “lock the door when you leave.” 

Two years and whatever they felt was gone. A passion extinguished, only the scorched remains of what had occured before they collided in such a way. Kisses pressed deeply against Izaya, that all he could do was grasp hold of the man while the fresh burn of concrete on his back, and taste of desperation swallowed him whole. A frenzied array of laughter afterwards, breathes escaping them as they sparked up cigarette’s, and Izaya wiped sweat from his forehead, while Shizuo fixed his rumpled clothes that Izaya had tried to tear off.

Izaya wasn’t naive to see that Shizuo hardly felt the same. Every last bit of what they were was gone, and it seemed only empty shells wandered around each other, trying to locate what they had, and failing every time.

“Remember,” Izaya began as he sat up before Shizuo could walk out of the room, “when we were teenagers and all we would do is get high?” 

Shizuo stopped in the doorway, fingers slightly curling before he glanced over his shoulder with an empty expression before saying, “No, that was Shinra, I was your drinking buddy.”

Izaya chuckled softly at the reminder. Everything from when they were younger blended together, most of it wasn’t exactly memorable. “Oh, yeah, you’re the one selling smokes.” 

“I was buying them...it was the other stuff I was selling.” Shizuo leaves without saying another word, and Izaya listens as the door closes, leaving him in the silence of Shizuo’s apartment. Shizuo complained when they wandered over to his when Izaya would bring it up. He never did tell him why that was, and Izaya only thought that he didn’t like the way it looked, and the reminder of who Izaya was beyond the distractions they gave one another.

He lies back down on the bed and sleeps for an extra hour before getting up. He finds his pants, socks, and his coat. After slipping his shoes on, he locks the door and walks out of the apartment. He heads down the street, still mildly contemplating their dull relationship.

There has to be a reason, or a spark, somewhere between them that could help them. It seems almost hopeless as he stands by the curb of a street, lighting a cigarette and pressing it to his lips. There’s a mild idea that grows over time as the days slips by him. It’s only when he decides to enact it, the guilt doesn’t come when he finds a woman, and kisses her sweetly against the wall. It was supposed to mean something, except it didn’t, and he told her a sly insult about the way she kissed, and walked off while her insults did nothing to penetrate his thoughts about what was happening.

That did nothing. Why? He felt nothing for her. No sign of lust rising inside of him, no eagerness he had felt when he first started the relationship with Shizuo two years ago. It was only recently that he started waking up and feeling dull. He had thought it was him, then he noticed the empty looks Shizuo would give him, instead of the confident smiles that made him feel nice to be looked at. It was Shizuo, no one else.

And yet, he felt nothing when he kissed him. 

Izaya rarely likes that act of cheating, but he thinks mostly of an experimental way when he finds a man at a bar, and presses his mouth to his, his mouth hot, the taste acrid of smoke and alcohol, even when the man is quite handsy. And nothing, simply nothing.

“I have to go,” Izaya muttered, walking off through the crowd.

Why?

He didn’t know, and walked back to Shizuo’s apartment, grasping for the key Shizuo had given him about 2 months after they started dating. He was annoyed Izaya kept getting in even when he hadn’t given him the key yet. When he stepped inside, Shizuo wasn’t inside, and instead, Izaya found a note sitting on the table.

_Working late. - Shizuo._

Izaya clenched his teeth together and curled the paper in his hand, then he tossed it into the trash. He paced a bit, and left the apartment. Now what? Should he go back to his apartment? Start work. No. Not now. He leaves and walks to Shinra’s where he greets Celty who stepped out on courier duty.

“I need drugs,” he says to Shinra who is sitting on the couch in his neat apartment. 

Shinra perks up at the request, “Why?” he asked, brows knitted together.

Izaya is pacing again, contemplating on telling Shinra of what is happening, and because it’s so frustrating, he simply tells Shinra how he’s been feeling lately.

“Your relationship won’t get better with drugs,” Shinra says. “Maybe you should talk to Shizuo about this before you break it off.”

Ah, yes, he had also said the most deepest thoughts that was beginning to rise with all of his other frustrations. The decision to break the relationship off with Shizuo. It was mild a few weeks ago, and speaking it out loud to Shinra told him a lot of how he felt about all of this. 

Izaya walks out, ignoring whatever else Shinra is trying to tell him. He knows a few people unlike Shinra to help him with this drug problem that’s sticking to Izaya’s mind. When he was a teenager, he had taken drugs out of the fun of it, and mostly to experience the effects first hand so he’ll know how it is later on if he ever needs it for other purposes.

He walks into his apartment, and right away, he gets high off the crushed up morphine that he snorts in his living room on his glass table. He laughs softly to himself as he leans back against his leather couch, once again staring at the ceiling. 

There was a distinct moment in their past when they first met, and Shizuo was rather violent with him, not like Izaya tried to be overly friendly with him either. His knife slashed through the barrier of his shirt, and cut the skin beneath. The blood rose in bubbles, and to this day, Shizuo still has the scar. He seen it before, traced it with his fingertips, sometimes with his tongue just to mock Shizuo. 

It was exhilarating.

It was also around the time when Shizuo had finally caught up to him, and this happens rarely, but when he did, he punched Izaya in the face. Blood was a nice color on them. It stained Shizuo’s hand, and Izaya had spit it out from his mouth, both of them grinning in the act of violence as they once again chased one another throughout the streets, and later on, kissed until they were breathless. 

“If you’re going to do something inappropriate, please go upstairs and take a cold shower,” Namie says as she enters the room.

Izaya laughs while Namie curses him, then threatens to call Shizuo. Izaya didn’t care, and went to snort another line.

About fifteen minutes after, Izaya staring at the ceiling, finally relaxed of every little anxious thought that’s been thrumming in his body. Namie says goodnight in her snide tone as she steps out of the apartment. 

The fire between them was burning, it was enough to keep them running, and later awake during the late nights. The sweat off their skin, the kisses on Izaya’s mouth, and later the bites on his neck. All of it was a sweet and satisfying until it all ran dry.

What happened?

There’s a knock at the door, but Izaya doesn’t move from where he’s sitting. And to his surprise, Shizuo’s standing in front of him, holding a bottle of clear liquid in his hand. He says something, but Izaya can hardly understand him. Shizuo sits down beside him, letting out a sigh, then speaking, but again, Izaya has no idea what he’s talking about.

“Shinra said you asked for drugs,” Shizuo says, sounding irked that he repeated himself again while cracking the bottle open. It’s a rather large bottle, and Izaya watched Shizuo take a swig, but he smiles when Shizuo grimaces. He always disliked bitter things, and it’s curious that he bought alcohol just to sit with Izaya.

“I kissed a woman and a man today,” Izaya confessed with no guilt. “I don’t feel that same fire...we used to feel.”

“Is that why you’re sitting here, high off your ass?” Shizuo asked, narrowing his eyes at him.

Izaya has no idea if he’s angry, he’s too messed up to think of his next words until they’re slipping past his lips. “Doing all of this is a poor imitation of our teenage years.”

Shizuo scoffs. “A few months ago we were fine, and you were sated enough.”

Izaya rolled his eyes, leaning his head back against the couch. “There has to be more than sex in the relationship, Shizu-chan.” 

“Doesn’t change the fact that we’re together.”

Izaya caught sight of the cigarette and plucked it from Shizuo’s fingers, grinning at him as he took a drag. “That’s another thing I want to talk about. Our relationship...is boring. There’s no expectation when I kiss you. Nothing at all.”

“Then what, you cheat on me twice today, and you say our relationship is boring.” Shizuo stands, cigarette between his fingers, no sign of the anger Izaya had spotted, only a tiredness. “What is it, Izaya? You might as well say it.”

“We should break up.” It’s such a final way to say it, and maybe he had thought of saying it in a different situation before. Maybe it hardly mattered now that it’s been said. 

“Is that what you want?” Shizuo asked.

“Yes,” Izaya says with a smile.

Shizuo puts the cap back on the bottle, and leaves it on Izaya’s table, then he leans down and kisses Izaya. He didn’t really expect it, and maybe he thought Shizuo would hit him, get angry, say something to keep them together. Except, Izaya stares into Shizuo’s eyes before he walks off, and Izaya listens to the door close with no sign of his infamous anger that gained him a reputation.

Izaya frowns, sitting in the silence. He should be happy, right? Now that’s he’s single, free of Shizuo and their dull relationship? He’s not happy.

Before he goes upstairs to sleep, Izaya snorts the rest of the morphine, leaves the bottle on the table, and staggers to his room. When he manages to take off his clothes, leaving them lying on the floor before falling on his bed. He thinks of Shizuo’s unpredictable reaction to Izaya breaking up with him.

What did he want from him?

A small thought of what would happen if Shizuo started dating other people. It’s there, inside of his mind, then he falls asleep with it tightly curled inside his chest.

A few days after, Izaya is still lying in his bed, but this time Namie is sitting on the edge, staring annoyingly at him.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be a little shit about your feelings.” 

Izaya narrows his eyes at her then he embraces her, and he notes the way she tenses at the sudden action. “Will you kiss me?” he asks her.

Namie groans at the request. “I’d rather punch you then kiss you.” She softly presses him back against his pillows and says, “Maybe you need to find the spark that created the relationship between you two before you decided to be irrational...and on morphine.” 

“I’m not even sure if we ever did,” Izaya says, itching his arm. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You like him way too much, you just don’t know what to do when you two hit a wall.”

Namie gets up and leaves Izaya to his thoughts. Maybe he should see Shizuo, and not directly, he’s not sure if he’s able to do that yet after what he had said in his drugged state.

He wraps the blanket around him, and heads downstairs to his computer desk. He turns it on, and hacks into the camera system, quickly looking around for Shizuo’s route, and finds him, and from the looks of it, he’s speaking to some woman.

Izaya stares at the screen for a few seconds. She’s pretty, not to any sort of extent that Izaya would ever approach her. She seems almost dismissable. Why was Shizuo talking to her? Why wasn’t he getting angry? Why was he just standing there?

Izaya ignores Namie when he snorts another line of morphine, and walks out of his apartment. He carelessly clothed himself, his coat hanging slightly off his shoulder as he walks to the last place Shizuo was. That empty feeling is there, but it’s slowly becoming strangely suffocating with a pain running alongside the edges. He reaches inside his pocket for his switchblade, and when he turns the corner, the end of the blade is in Shizuo’s face the second he stepped in front of him, while Shizuo’s hand grabbed his wrist with some rather good reflexes he’s honed over the years, perfectly stopping Izaya from truly cutting into his face.

Izaya grins, while Shizuo sighs. He takes the switchblade from Izaya who tries to move away, but Shizuo’s fingers tighten around Izaya’s wrist, not to harm him, just to keep him close.

He informs his friend and work colleague that he’s taking the rest of the day off, and then he’s dragging a reluctant Izaya down the street.

“Give me back my knife!

“You’re high.”

“I’m not,” Izaya lies foolishly, then goes silent when Shizuo twists around and leans close, the action is quick and leaves Izaya staring unblinking at Shizuo.

"Shut up." He’s once again being dragged toward Shizuo’s apartment.

Once they walk up the stairs to the second floor, and Shizuo unlocks the door, Izaya is pulled through, then the door is closed, and Shizuo is still holding onto his wrist. He even discards the knife into the sink and drags Izaya away from it before he could reach it.

“I’m not a child, you don’t have to do this,” Izaya says, but Shizuo is standing in front of him with an almost soft yet unreadable expression. 

“You’re annoying,” Shizuo mutters, and Izaya is surprised as Shizuo starts taking off his coat, dropping it carelessly on the floor. He pushes Izaya back on the bed. 

“We should do this more often,” Izaya mutters while staring at the ceiling, and Shizuo is taking off his pants, including his shoes and then his socks. It’s such a strange transition that Izaya doesn't have time to question it before Shizuo is taking off his vest, setting his folded sunglasses on the desk. He even loosens his collar that somehow looks good, maybe even attractive in the low light as he lies down beside Izaya.

He softly combs through Izaya’s hair with his fingers, and smiles at Izaya. “Why are you being a pest after deciding to break it off?”

“I’m not being a pest,” Izaya says, trying to sound offended. “I was only going to disturb you and your conversation with that woman...but I see I got there too late.”

“So, your jealous?” 

Izaya sighs at the word that trembles through him, knowing that his own actions of baring his knife is true. The feeling was ugly, impulsive, and he can’t even bother hiding it. “Our relationship has become mundane.”

“All we needed to do was talk it through, not break up just because you’re unsure of what is going on.”

Izaya nods, closing his eyes and leaning against Shizuo like he did three days ago. “I’m not sure…”

When he wakes, he finds Shizuo sleeping beside him. The sunlight on the front of his rumpled white shirt, and Izaya carefully pulls a few buttons free to look at the white scar beneath. The reminder of their hate, of what started it all. 

He smiles, and wraps his arm across his chest, cuddling against Shizuo’s side. 

Shizuo seemed to have woken up, yet still sleepy as he also wraps his arms around Izaya, the weight of his body is comforting. “Are you ready to talk, or are you going to leave?”

Izaya squeezes his eyes closed, fingers curling into Shizuo’s shirt. “I don’t want you to leave. I love you, and hate you, and I want you to stay.”

“Even through the mundane?” Shizuo asked.

Izaya smiles. He had been impulsive, and he should’ve thought it through then thinking of what it could’ve been when they were younger, when things were easier, when all they had was instinct.

“Even through the mundane,” Izaya whispers, and Shizuo leaned down while Izaya moved up, and they kissed, holding one another, before once again falling asleep in each other’s arms. 


End file.
